Two Hands, One Crying Wallet

Two Hands has officially landed in The QUAD—aka Uptown’s post-pandemic glow-up attempt. I’ve been emotionally invested in this comeback like it’s a neighborhood on life support, so when restaurants finally started opening in The QUAD, I was basically already in line.

I first had Two Hands in Austin and had the best brunch—left full, happy, and a little salty that Dallas didn’t have one. So yeah… walking into the Dallas location, my expectations were high. Like, really high.

First Impressions: Lunch Vibes at Dinner Hour

Let’s set the scene: I walk in ready for a cozy dinner. Instead, I’m met with a space that screams, “Hey girl, want a quinoa bowl after Pilates?” Think True Food Kitchen with an obsession for pale wood. Definitely more lunch-with-the-girls than dinner-and-a-drink.

Also… the acoustics? Brutal. Everything echoed like we were eating inside a giant drum. Couldn’t hear my date. Couldn’t hear the waiter. Couldn’t hear my date. Couldn’t hear the waiter. At one point, it was just me and my schnitzel trying to connect.

The Drinks: Not So Spirited

I got excited when the server said they make all their syrups in-house. Homemade? Organic? Yes, bartender, nourish me. I ordered the Green Tea Party (vodka, cucumber, lime, orange flower water, etc.) expecting something zen and refreshing. Instead… it tasted like cucumber juice that gave up halfway through. Flat. Forgettable. Next up, the Banana Bread Espresso Martini—and y’all, it was giving banana-flavored cough syrup. One sip, and I pushed it to the side. My date had the Picnic in a Basket cocktail and gave it a shrug and an “It’s alright.” That’s code for: “How dare you make me spend money on this”.

Appetizer Redemption Arc

The silver lining? The appetizers. The Pork Belly & Cheddar Croquettes had a crispy outer shell that crunched just right, with a gooey center and chunks of pork that tasted like they were pulled straight off a rib. Barcelona Wine Bar’s croquettes are now officially on notice. The Crispy Chilli Fries? Thin, golden, perfectly fried. Just wish the chilli oil didn’t turn my napkin into a crime scene—my dress barely survived.

Mains: The Fall From Grace

I ordered the Tandoori Chicken Schnitzel because the waiter sold it hard. It came out the size of a steering wheel. It was thicc when I needed it thin and crisp, and the pesto-like sauce underneath was way too Earthy, if you know what I mean.

My date’s Pesto Cavatelli looked promising. It tasted fine. He hit me with that look again... as his wallet sighed.

Final Thoughts: Go For Brunch (Maybe)

Look, I usually give restaurants a little grace for opening week jitters—but Two Hands isn’t a rookie. They’ve got locations in Austin, Denver, and beyond. This should’ve been a simple copy-paste. It was just another average experience with big price tags.

Will I go back? Not for dinner. I might give brunch another shot, but I already know it won’t live up to Austin’s dreamy backyard beer garden vibes. Still… a girl can hope.